Ambition, or the Lack Thereof
Today I watched a video from a big Youtuber I have been following since 2014. He's just released a movie into theaters, and he was reporting some amazingly good news to his 38 million subscribers. At one point in the video, he talked about why he does things and what his goal is as a creative, and as he was talking about his forward momentum and his desire to always learn and get better and do more, bigger things, I had a moment of realization about myself.
He has ambition, and that's why he's accomplished so much, including an indie horror movie that was number one in the US for almost the entire weekend before Sam Raimi's newest film finally caught up, and that has earned more than six times its budget with more coming because it's been extended another weekend.
And I have none.
It was almost like a gut punch, this realization that I have no ambition and that's why I haven't done anything. Sure, I have this nebulous desire to publish a novel someday, but I'm not ambitious about it. It's more like a "someday I will" goal that will never actually happen because I have no real drive to see it through. And that kills me, because I really do want write and see my stories on the shelves at bookstores.
How does one build ambition? How does someone overcome an over-abundance of self-deprecating humbleness to be gutsy enough for the publishing industry? Where can I find the hunger that pushes him to do more and helps him succeed because he actually does things?
I don't know, but I sure hope I can figure it out soon.