I'm supposed to be on break
I'm struggling with writer's block at the moment. It's been longer than a month now, I think. I'll open my computer and look at my (long) list of projects and not want to work on any of them. Then I'll get a new idea1, get excited about it, write a thousand words, and hit the block going fifty miles an hour and not be able to continue working on it. It's been very frustrating, and no matter how much journaling2 I've done, I haven't found the answer yet. I even tried deep cleaning my apartment, thinking that was what was bothering me, too much chaos in my environment leading to chaos in my mind. But no changes.
Last week I decided that it might be my prose well is dry. I remember reading a quote at some point that went something like "write when you are full to bursting. read when you are empty", and it stuck with me. A quick internet search did not reveal who gave the quote or what the original line was, and I did not have time to search deeper. But I thought it was a good notion, so I decided I would put my writing on hold, at most until my next scheduled writing retreat in February, and spend my time reading instead. I made a big list of books I wanted to read; books with beautiful prose, books that had languished on my TBR list for too long, books I want to emulate. I was going to spend my time reading and catching up and letting my brain relax long enough to feel better and get back to writing.
My brain had other ideas, of course. The drama I finished watching yesterday had the kind of ending that made me grit my teeth in frustration and sent my mind spinning into "what if"s and "what happens next"s, because I didn't get my happy ending, or even a satisfying ending. I can do sad or bittersweet endings if they are narratively satisfying. This was not, and so my mind rebels and starts weaving together potentials and putting together research topics3 and even composing a first line4.
Do I set aside my relaxation break to scratch this narrative itch? Or will doing so worsen my writer's block and prolong the need for a break? I guess I'll have to make that decision this week.
I am cursed with a mind that does not stop creating story ideas, ever.↩
This summer I had started journaling as a way to work my way through writing issues I was having, and it was working so well. I learned some things about my process that I hadn't realized before.↩
PTSD treatment methods and rural Chinese home architecture to start with.↩
This is usually my mental sign that a project is ready for me to start writing, when I start composing the first line in my head.↩