Subject-Matter Expert
While I was deep in academia, studying and writing for my master's degree, I would occasionally get the urge to go for a PhD. I would dream up what research I would focus on and come up with interesting dissertation topics. Things like "Worldbuilding differences between male and female writers in 80s fantasy", or "Literary lineages of female authors in speculative fiction", or "The development of urban fantasy as a sub-genre". I wanted to be a subject-matter expert at something. Not because the topics of women writers in fantasy had any kind of world-changing implications, but because I wanted that title. "Subject-matter expert".
I still crave that, because contrary to my previous post I don't feel particularly knowledgable about any one thing, or about anything that isn't readily available to the layman. I don't have the money or time to pursue a higher degree than what I already have, but I still get that urge to research. To build a reading list. To dig deep into the archives and build a knowledge-base. To be able to say "I have written extensively about [topic]."
But there are only so many things I can do in my life, and it's only a fleeting fancy. So it gets put on my list of things I would do if I didn't have biological needs like sleep or lived to be 307.
This topic came to mind because I was at my local used bookstore (which is shutting down in less than a week) and saw a book on the shelf that reminded me of something. A long time ago I read a fantasy book by a female author originally published in the 80s. It was short, and the prose was okay, but what stuck out to me, in a bad way, was the fact that in the world of the story the people worshipped a female deity, and yet women of the world were treated like chattel. Not only that, but the narrative didn't engage with that disconnect at all. It was like the narrative shrugged its shoulders and said, "eh, that's just how it is," without examine why. I couldn't get over that absurd piece of worldbuilding to continue reading the series. Instead, it got me thinking about feminism in 80s fantasy, and worldbuilding by female authors, and made me want to research to see if silly, illogical worldbuilding was a common thing, or if I had just picked a dud. I still sometimes wonder about that, which is why I continue to have the desire to buy up all the old 80s fantasy by female authors and do a home-grown PhD.