Sometimes, You Just Have to Do It
Confession time. After this post, I could not stop thinking about research and that dream, to go back to school. I kept thinking about it, and then while at work I started looking at PhD programs, which I occasionally do just for the fun of it. But this time, I actually found a program I wanted. And this time, something told me it was time to apply.
So, I'm applying for post-graduate school. My deadline is January 6th. I have about half of the work done. It's been a frantic scramble, trying to line everything up and gather the right materials. I feel like I've gone off the deep end, like I'm about to attempt something very hard, but it's also thrilling. A change of pace again, a return to academia, to teaching, to learning to homework, and grading. It's scary, the thought of moving to a new state, of starting school again after three years, of signing up for 5-6 more years of school, of realizing I'll be in my mid-forties when I finish.
But all signs point toward this program and this move and this path to take, and it feels familiar. It has happened like this before, where I know something is the right path because everything seems to fall into place very quickly.
Of course, I won't know until March if I got in or not, and that's a long time to sit in limbo. But if I don't make it this year, I can always try again next year. And most importantly, I can do hard things.